Gleaner Na 202111

THE WEEKLY GLEANER | NOVEMBER 4 - NOVEMBER 10, 2021 | www.jamaica-gleaner.com | FEATURE 14 Dear Pastor, I am 41 years old and my husband is 40. We are a sexless couple. My husband spends most of his time on the Internet chatting with different women. I try to dress sexy to attract him and to turn him on, but he doesn’t even see me. One night I turned off the power in the house, but he realised what I had done and threatened to beat me up. So, I told him I was sorry. This man and I have been married for 10 years. We have a very good relationship. We have a lovely home. He took me with one child and he has treated her as his own daughter. She loves him to death. I try to keep myself in good shape. I exercise, and I know I look good. But this man has told women to send him photographs of themselves. He has lied to them and told them he is single, and they believed him. He said he is not doing anything with these women, he is just having fun, so I should just leave him alone. Sometimes for three months my husband and I don’t have sex. It is hard for me, but I will never cheat on him. Most of the girls he has online are white. I told him that he should not have married me, he should have married a white girl. He insists that I am nicer than all of them, but I turn him off by complaining all the time. He said that when I stopped complaining about his Internet girls, he would change and come back to me. He doesn’t have any outside girlfriend that I know about, only these girls on the Internet. S.T. Dear S.T., Your husband has become addicted to the white girls on the Internet.Whether these girls are in the nude or simply clad, he gets his kicks by looking at them and perhaps talking to them, too. Yet, I believe himwhen he says that you are more beautiful than they are. He is looking for something extra. Don’t fret over what he is doing. I believe that soon he will get very tired of looking at these white girls. Give him time. Keep yourself in good shape. Don’t curse him. You may, however, encourage him to seek professional help. But don’t tell him that he is sick, immoral or disgusting. If he is willing to go to see a counsellor, please accompany him to see the person, but don’t condemn him in front of the counsellor. Don’t embarrass himat all. The timemay come when he may turn his computer off and find pleasure in you only. He is going through a phase that may be difficult to understand. Handle him delicately. Pastor My husband is having an affair with his boss Dear Pastor, I have discovered that my husband is having an affair with his employer. I feel that her husband should know about it, but I don’t know him. I am wondering if he would believe me if I phoned him. He lives abroad, but he spent a fewmonths here last winter. Nobody else knows, as far as I am aware. I feel strongly that he has a right to know what is going on behind his back. Please advise me. Thank you. G.B. Dear G.B., You have declared that you discovered that your husband is having an affair with his em- ployer. But, I regret that you did not say how you became aware of what is going on. How did you find out? This is a serious allegation, and if you were to tell this woman’s husband that your husband is having an affair with his wife, and he takes you seriously, hewouldwant more information fromyou. On the other hand, hemight do something crazy and hurt his wife. In this world, there are somany troublemak- ers. Some men will hear that their wives are having affairs and accept that as an allegation, but some will not. So unless you are prepared to givemore information, you should just keep your mouth shut and deal with your husband privately on the matter. If it is a matter for which you have hard evidence, it is still not wise for you to take this matter to the woman’s husband. If you had caught your husband having sex with the woman and you have pictures, that would be a different matter. Your husband would not be able to deny it. I must ask this question, what is your motive in telling this man about his wife and your husband? Is it that youwant thisman to leave his wife? Or is it that youwant your husband to behave himself and stay with you only? I would really like to know what proof you have of the allegation that you have made. Do you have any receipt showing that your husband took this woman to a hotel?What do you have? If this is amatter of hearsay, warn your husband. Be careful what you say and do. Youmay ruin this woman’s life. Pastor Cheated and got an STI Dear Pastor, I am 19 years old and I am very worried. I have a boyfriend and he is taking good care of me. I am still living at home. I spend time with him at his apartment sometimes. He was away for a while and during that time, I had sex with an older man who used to help me a lot. This older man gave me money to go to school. He was the first man who bought me a nice pair of shoes. So while my boyfriend was away, I stopped by his workplace to see him.When he saw me, he said he felt horny and he wanted me. I made plans to see him again the following day. The following day, he picked me up and we went to a hideout. We made passionate love. This man is 35 years old. He asked me what I needed from him and I told him I always need money. He gave me $20,000, but I regret making love to him because we did not use the condom. I knew something was wrong with me because I was having an unusual discharge. I knew that it was not caused by my boyfriend. I called the man and told him what was happening and he said I should go to the doctor and call him back. The doctor confirmed that I had picked up a disease. He gave me a prescription. This man knew that he got the disease from someone else. He kept saying that he was sorry for what had happened and I shouldn’t hold that against him. I asked him if he knew that he had gonorrhoea and he said no, but he had fooled around a prostitute a few days before we had sex. This was the first time I was cheating on my boyfriend. I will never do it again. I am glad that he was away. Since his return, I am even afraid to make love to him although the doctor has told me that everything is all right. This man told me that he made a big mistake, but he hopes that my boy- friend would never know that I cheated because I am a damn good girl. B.L. Dear B.L., I am really sorry to hear that you have had such a bad experience. Your boyfriend trusted you, but you have let yourself down. This other man who was very helpful to you should not have put you through that ordeal. He knew that he had played around with a prostitute. He had unprotected sexwith this prostitute. He came to you without using the condom. He’s a very careless man. You, too, can be described as careless. You could have destroyed the re- lationship that you have with your boyfriend. I hope that you are cured of this disease and that you would learn that cheating is never good. You are 19 years old. You have not said an- ything about school. I hope that you would seek an education and that you would remain faithful to your boyfriend. Forgive yourself for what you have done and consider it a big mistake. Pastor Boyfriend tied me up to have sex Dear Pastor, I am 23 years old and my boyfriend is also 23. Both of us are working. But because of the nature of our jobs, we don’t get to spend a lot of time together. I cannot get away frommy job easily. I decided to call in sick and my boyfriend took a day off. I went to his house to spend the day with him and for us to have some fun. When I got there, my boyfriend had already cookedmy favourite meal. He was all over me. We played and played and he said he was going to put me under bondage. I laughed because I didn’t understand what he meant. He tied my hands behind my back and I was helpless. I couldn’t get myself loose. After I realised that it was a waste of time, my boyfriend sat on the bed and rubbedme down using differ- ent ointments and I felt relaxed and fell asleep. I slept for about an hour. He did everything he wanted to do with me. When I asked him why he tied me up, he said because he knew that I would give him a fight and he wanted us to do something unusual. He did not use the condom although we had a whole box of condoms. I toldmy best friend what I went through and she told me that her boyfriend tried to tie her up before having sex with her, but she fought himoff. It was such a weird feeling tomake love with a man while being tied up. My boyfriend considered what he did as a joke. But, I told him that I will call the police if he tries that again. I climaxed but this is not real sex. I love this man so much, but since he had me in bond- age, I can’t think of him as one I can trust with my life. He is always asking me to spend some more time with him, but I told him that I am afraid of him. I know I am not pregnant because since we had sex, I have seen my period. But I feel that it is time for me to leave this man because I don’t like what he did to me. I need your opinion. C.N. Dear C.N., Your boyfriend ought to have known that what he did was not right. He wanted both of you to experience something outside the norm, but you were ignorant of the fact that he wanted to tie you up and have his way with you. I think what you are trying to say is that you had bondage sex. That comes in many different forms, but at least, the couple should consent to it. You did not consent, but you allowed him to have his way with you. So he tied up your hands and your pleading did not make any difference. He could have lotioned you without tying you up. Whatever he did made you relax. You trusted him at first, but now looking back, you would not allow him to do that again. He does not see that what he did was wrong. But, he was wrong to trick you to do what he wanted. You deserve an apology from him, but he might never give one. Now you know that he cannot be trusted. Perhaps the time will come when you will forgive him but I will not encourage you to go further in this relationship. Pastor My man is hooked on Internet beauties THE WE KLY GLEANER | NOVEMBER 4 - 3